What I like most about the painting process is the irrational aspect.
Why do I paint a bird on her shoulder?
Only after doing that am I aware that this painting is about the fact that the bird and the woman share the same space.
I experience how powerful this is, because of the connection.
One plus one is more than two.
That is not rational either, but we can easily sympathize with this idea.
Making this painting will take another year, because Shiloh planned it so.
It is mysterious not to know beforehand what is going to happen, but in fact that is also true in life.
It is evidently my path to want to express this.
Today the sun is farthest removed from us in the Northern Hemisphere.
I feel the darkness, both around me and inside, through my emotions.
I probably sympathize too much with the worries of my loved one and in this way I create the absence of light in myself.
My essence longs for expansion, for being present inside myself, and for feeling my body.
I allow myself to take up space and make room for renewal and for the birth of the light.
I made this painting by freely applying a lot of diluted paint on a previously made portrait.
During the painting process I had the feeling that this would lead nowhere and I felt many control lights flickering inside me.
Yet I continued and even used a wooden spatula from the kitchen to spread the paint.
It's fun to expand boundaries and explore new possibilities.
Life and painting lead me in the direction of leaving behind old ways of being, and follow a deeper chord of my life instead, moving forward beyond the mind.
Sometimes I enquire about a problem and ask the big unknown for an answer.
My question was: how can I be aligned with a world that is derailed?
The inner knowing came soon:
You can only be in line with yourself, do not to hold on to the world, because then you yourself will be torn apart.
Perceive, there is more good than you know, when you are present here and now.
Oh yes, I feel it, inside ourselves lives a great power.
This is a first attempt at applying a new method: “The Art of Allowing”, with Flora Aube.
The image that arose on the canvas was full of bird-energy and it was not easy to make a coherent painting out of it, without being overwhelmed by the multitude of images.
Today, after I set my inner critic aside I recognize the energy of the girl.
It's a picture that I remember from one of the books by Amorah Quan Yin.
I had forgotten that I have this book in my bookcase.
Apparently, painting can help us to receive and to pass on information.
- I am not my reaction tot he world
- My name is known in heaven
- Love is the way I walk in gratitude
- In the silence of my being the Source is near
- Obstacles are beacons to show me the way
- We are co-creators
- May my search for Light be life-enhancing
- I connect myself with the highest Force
- Here I stand
- The desire of the supreme Will is my remembrance of the love and the innocence of my essence
These are the titles of the chapters of the book Wholeness Complete, written by me in 2005
How true is the text still for me, but it takes so long to experience this higher knowing as a human being.
I need to encounter all that stands in the way of living this consciousness.
It feels like a coat that is still too big for me, but I enjoy slowly growing into the mantle.
The exquisiteness of content of the book is still here, like a fragrance that shows me the direction towards which I want to mature.
My body and my mind need time to get used to experiencing the consciousness of the presence of love.
Shiloh had a project for painting “la Bella Mama”.
We would make an icon for ourselves that would give us a feeling of being nourished.
I was surprised that I portrayed a woman whose attention is turned inwards.
Yet the image gives me what I need most: inner peace, regardless the circumstances.
Shiloh, my painting teacher, always invites us to take many detours before we complete a work of art.
Like today: The instruction was to bring a colour on the canvas for each of the elements.
We started with the element earth.
Usually I assiociate earth with earth colours and I chose magenta, a deep red colour.
Suddenly I realize how extraordinary it is that we are alive on earth.
There are shadows here, light and dark, and we live here.
We are here, as living miracles, between the birds and the trees and the sun and the moon and the stars.
It makes me so happy…