The exposition has ended, the paintings are back in my home.
I notice that painting is a process of ever deeper listening to my inner self and sensing her.
My inner self is delighted.
Sometimes I don't know why I feel disturbed.
It then seems that my circumstances are the cause of this, but often there is a deeper intuition that wants to be revealed.
This applies both to my process of painting and to my life.
The unhappiness feels like being submerged in a swamp, without being able to see how I can release the sentiment of being stuck.
My inner inquiry on what wants to happen often brings light.
When I listen deeply and act upon it, the problems dissolve and the sun breaks through.
Life then proceeds in an innovative way.
When we are truly becoming a conduit for the invisible it sometimes takes a while longer before we understand what wants to be expressed.
At first we feel this through the physical tension that has to do with obstructing the flow and also through turmoil in our minds.
In my life the change that is needed has to do with the necessity to liberate myself from being confined.
Here we see a fragment from my latest painting.
I want to keep the complete image for myself a bit longer, because I am only slowly beginning to understand the messages.
She will be shown from Sunday July 30 up to and including Sunday September 3 at an exhibition of my work in Villa de Kleine Heide in Son en Breugel, in the Netherlands.
The exposition will be open to the public on Sundays from 3pm to 5pm.
I am looking forward to this.
Today I let idea 36 from my book Wholeness Complete enter deeply.
It says: Bless me.
These words are exemplified by the following:
If we are able to feel the soft sweetness of these words deep in the substance of our bodies we are blessed people.
We also are a blessing to our environment.
Today make a holy space for yourself.
A space for you alone.
Even in the midst of many people you can make this space for yourself.
Repeat today’s words and let them penetrate deeply into the tissues
of your body.
There is an unlimited source of power inside us.
We give direction to this energy with our intention.
Bless me. Let all of us do this.
We then strengthen the field of goodness in this turbulent world.
Since a few weeks I read one idea per day from Wholeness Complete, the second book I wrote.
I love to inhale the energy of the ideas.
Yesterday I read idea 18: I open myself for a Love that is not of this world.
I let the energy of the thought enter me totally and realize that this is the love that inspired me to write the book.
Also I am aware that the content of the book is about this love.
That we are this love and that our lives, when we open ourselves for this energy, become more radiant and less troubled by our thoughts about how life should be.
I know that the Force is creative.
Doing and being become more intimate with one another…
I have the feeling that the ideas from my books are penetrating ever deeper.
This morning this was very clear.
The plumber would come early and in advance I was already upset about the thought that he might not come.
Then I heard in myself: “I am not my response to the world”.
That's the first idea from my second book: Wholeness Complete.
I felt that my reaction is pure energy, and that the energy can also be allowed as a force.
The plumber indeed did not come, but my peace of mind was not disturbed.
An hour later he called and told me that he would be here later.
At the end of the painting process it is customary to listen to what the painting has to say.
She tells me to be totally myself and to trust my feeling.
To be gentle for myself, my harshness is no longer needed.
I also feel the importance for the life of a woman to be aware of her womb, so that the feminine can thrive and the centuries-old suppression by patriarchal influence can be released.
The body is a sacred instrument to embody the soul.
Her name is "Gentle presence".
I have started creating a new painting, guided by Shiloh McCloud’s inspiring instructions.
The theme is the legendary self, that is to say, I paint from a curiosity about how "she" wants to appear at this moment.
My initial intention was to show how the legendary self emerges from the fog and I'm super surprised to see that a figure appears who knows that pleasure is the driving force of our universe.
The last idea of my book Wholeness also expresses this:
I entrust myself to this moment.
I entrust myself to the Force that takes delight in me as part of
This relationship is eternal.
When I wrote the book I had the feeling that this was about entrusting ourselves to a Force outside ourselves.
Now I know that pleasure and joy can also be found deep within, by being aware of the feminine caverns inside our bodies.
Finally I am beginning to find words to convey this.
In the last days of 2016 I cleaned up my bookshelves.
Boxes filled with books went to the thrift store.
The book “Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson stayed with me.
I am impressed because, 25 years ago, the writer could bring the content of “A Course in Miracles” in such a plain human language to us.
On this first day of the new year I wonder what is the essence of her writing for me:
It is about, time and again, opening up to a larger Force.
Our thinking is often not sufficient to bring us closer to the solution of our problems.
We have a free will, so indeed we need to ask for support, in order to open ourselves to the resolution of the obstacle.
We then notice that there is a greater Source of power knocking on our door, wanting to help us.
Again and again.
A few days ago, while I was filling my car with gasoline, I was watching the screen that is next to the meter.
It showed the news, alternating with advertisements.
To my surprise a text appeared:
Every movement you make is music.
I am not sure whether this really happened, but my inner self received the message as romantic and true.
As a delightful encouragement to remain soft and fluid, instead of freezing inside.
Remembering these words makes me feel joyous.