When we were born we had to pass through a very small hole.
I still have a tendency to shrink when I am confronted with time.
I then push my spirit out of my body.
That feels like being in a hurry, even when I have plenty of time.
I am learning to remain in the quietness and warmth that I feel before the thought of time arises.
I notice that part of the time I am occupied with the acceptance of my shadow.
Our shadow is not our bad side, but it is the part of us that has been distorted in the course of time, through our history, through society, through our culture.
She shows herself in an indirect manner and asks to be loved and embraced unconditionally, so that we can live our unique selves in an ever fuller and complete manner.
Now that I have more time for myself I feel the wish to work with people again, in a new way.
I ask the Unseen what is the Highest Dream that wants to be realized and I wait in silence for the answer.
I am surprised by the words that arise in me and I feel touched by the simplicity of the response:
Your Highest Dream is to be decided by you.
We give the energy and the power for the manifestation of your dream.
I am always surprised to hear that it is me who decides.
When I ask myself what I want, I know the answer: I want to work one day a week and offer consultations to people who wish to find a new perspective on an aspect of their life where they have the feeling they are stuck.
I feel joy about the decision and I have more clarity about the direction of my life.
I am weaving.
I weave with threads of humbleness around my shortcomings.
With every thread I weave I let go of my tendency towards perfection.
The freedom that arises is the nectar flowing through.
There are holes in the fabric and lumps and loose endings.
I just take it lightly and enjoy letting go.
There is a text on the desktop of my computer.
It says:
Freedom is the servant of love
Love is a facet of freedom.
I have read those words in a book and they touch me profoundly.
They affect me in a place where my intellect does not understand, but my feeling wants to comprehend deeper.
So I leave the text a little while longer on the screen of my desktop.
I bless my humanness.
I bless the mistakes I make, the terror I sometimes feel.
I love to be human, imperfect.
I bless the me who does not deserve to be judged.
Not in the least.
Me she live in great exuberance.
Not tied by laws, by rules on how to be, how to behave.
Not tied by what she has done wrong.
I love my humanness.
When we want to feel who we are it is not necessary to stop our thinking, but to bring a halt to our reaction to our thinking and to stop interpreting the thoughts that arise inside ourselves.
We no longer give our thoughts a life of their own and return to the openness of a more silent state of being instead.
For me this is similar to what I feel when I say: “Thy will be done”.
When I ask joy what she wants, my movements slow down.
I stop being hurried by thoughts about what I need to do.
I begin to enjoy a slow flow and find time to be touched by whatever happens.
When I ask joy what she wants, I know which colors to wear and how I can see beauty all around me.
When I ask joy what she wants.
By trusting my feelings and by making as little drama as possible in my mind I succeed in not being trapped by my judgment about what is happening in my life.
It is very clear to me now that it is not good for me to remain stuck in my thoughts about situations.
By letting go, surrendering, trusting and enjoying the fundamental goodness that is here at this moment I remain connected with the everlasting current of life that does not evolve around my conflicts.
What is happening in my life is the scenery of the play that evolves at this moment.
By letting go of my thoughts about the situation I do not remain stuck in older versions of the spectacle.
I then move with the flow.
Living in the silence I especially encounter my temperament.
Those sides of me that I have not been willing to face, nor experience, all of the time I have lived.
I now let them be, trusting that the unpolished edges will amalgamate into a strong core in the silent eternal space.