When I am in Spain often an emotional event happens that unbalances me.
It is as if the forces there are greater than when I am in the Netherlands.
My reaction then is to start worrying about things that I can't do much about and therefore my thinking starts working overtime.
This will be the case until I remember the last sentence from my book Wholeness Complete.
It says: What is your deepest wish?
The answer to this inquiry helps me to remember how I want to be.
By making an intention out of this, the focus and balance come back into my life and I stand stronger in my own shoes then.
Today I brought this painting to her new owner.
She has been given a beautiful place, where she comes into her own.
The gold of the painting reflects the sunlight.
I am very happy when someone appreciates my work.
I am aware that the hip surgery was burdensome for my nervous system.
It felt like my life was stagnating a bit and I had lost my pleasure in painting.
Yet I am ready to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. My creative self may live again.
Tomorrow I will start painting and thus participate in life with more joy.
So I will not only do exercises to strengthen my leg muscles, but also spend time expressing my creative self.
I am curious.
After my hip operation I spent a lot of time on the couch and I enjoyed it.
Yet I know that it is time to find my way out of this by practicing walking and strengthening my legs.
I also know that my deeper Self asks me to find a way to start writing and painting again.
Evidently ‘just being’ is not enough anymore. New life is still waiting for me.
Maybe all I need to do is to start.
The road will show herself then.
In my book ‘Wholeness Complete’ I write: May my search for Light be life enhancing.
Apparently I meant something else than just quietly enjoying old age.
I am curious.
For more than three weeks, my life has been limited to lying on the couch almost all day.
Because of a small complication during hip surgery I have to put as little weight as possible on one leg for six weeks.
So I am resting a lot.
The pause button that slows down my life is sometimes confronting, because I miss painting, doing sports, being outside.
I suddenly feel 20 years older.
This morning I decided that I can change something about this negative undertone of my life.
I asked myself what future I want to create. After all, we are co-creators.
From my heart, there was an immediate answer that I can use.
By focusing on my heartfelt intention I can stop getting stuck in my dissatisfaction with the situation.
I feel that it's beneficial.
It feels like life invites me to find an ever calmer rhythm, beyond words, beyond earlier solutions.
My inner child seems to know how to do this. She is content with whatever circumstances.
It is too cold and snowy to go outside and the lockdown seriously limits social gatherings.
On the other hand I feel a deep yearning for intimacy, for traveling to a sunnier climate.
I let it all be.
For this painting I wanted to paint the sensual nature of a woman.
Initially, an Indian appeared on the canvas. His attention was directed deeply inwards.
That wasn't what I had planned, so I wished to change the image.
One thing led to another, and in the meantime I knew that I wanted to paint a Flamenco dancer.
I converted his long braid into a bun, and his blanket became the material for the dancer's dress.
The woman is also inward-looking, but she does show her sensual nature.
And that was what I intended.
I'm enjoying reading my book "Playing with the Life Force."
Because, writing a book is something else than being aware of it's content as deeply as possible, in the body.
I am now reading about the seventh depth, the place within ourselves where we can experience both the universal flow and the freedom of choice of our individual selves.
Here we can choose what we need now and start living from there.
It feels lovely…
For this painting I also tried to remain as free as possible.
The woman is standing in the center of the four directions.
In the South is the earth, with the color red.
The West is blue, the color of the element water.
In the North, the element is air, Spirit. The color is white.
And in the East is fire, renewal, with the color yellow.
She seems to be happy to be standing in her power.
After freely painting the background I had no idea how to proceed. Something was blocking inside me.
Then I gave myself permission to continue painting colors, without being preoccupied with the result.
It became abundantly clear that a woman showed herself, seen from behind.
I now realize how important it is to be aware of the back of my body, both for feeling strength and for opening deeper to the mystery.