For more than three weeks, my life has been limited to lying on the couch almost all day.
Because of a small complication during hip surgery I have to put as little weight as possible on one leg for six weeks.
So I am resting a lot.
The pause button that slows down my life is sometimes confronting, because I miss painting, doing sports, being outside.
I suddenly feel 20 years older.
This morning I decided that I can change something about this negative undertone of my life.
I asked myself what future I want to create. After all, we are co-creators.
From my heart, there was an immediate answer that I can use.
By focusing on my heartfelt intention I can stop getting stuck in my dissatisfaction with the situation.
I feel that it's beneficial.
It feels like life invites me to find an ever calmer rhythm, beyond words, beyond earlier solutions.
My inner child seems to know how to do this. She is content with whatever circumstances.
It is too cold and snowy to go outside and the lockdown seriously limits social gatherings.
On the other hand I feel a deep yearning for intimacy, for traveling to a sunnier climate.
I let it all be.
For this painting I wanted to paint the sensual nature of a woman.
Initially, an Indian appeared on the canvas. His attention was directed deeply inwards.
That wasn't what I had planned, so I wished to change the image.
One thing led to another, and in the meantime I knew that I wanted to paint a Flamenco dancer.
I converted his long braid into a bun, and his blanket became the material for the dancer's dress.
The woman is also inward-looking, but she does show her sensual nature.
And that was what I intended.
I'm enjoying reading my book "Playing with the Life Force."
Because, writing a book is something else than being aware of it's content as deeply as possible, in the body.
I am now reading about the seventh depth, the place within ourselves where we can experience both the universal flow and the freedom of choice of our individual selves.
Here we can choose what we need now and start living from there.
It feels lovely…
For this painting I also tried to remain as free as possible.
The woman is standing in the center of the four directions.
In the South is the earth, with the color red.
The West is blue, the color of the element water.
In the North, the element is air, Spirit. The color is white.
And in the East is fire, renewal, with the color yellow.
She seems to be happy to be standing in her power.
After freely painting the background I had no idea how to proceed. Something was blocking inside me.
Then I gave myself permission to continue painting colors, without being preoccupied with the result.
It became abundantly clear that a woman showed herself, seen from behind.
I now realize how important it is to be aware of the back of my body, both for feeling strength and for opening deeper to the mystery.
When we have the feeling that our life is stagnating, we are at a zero point.
The way forward is sometimes to be silent and to ask ourselves carefully what we do like.
For me, part of the solution sometimes lies in following a new painting course.
The woman in this painting looks back at what was and doesn't know yet in which direction she wants to move forward.
The great unknown is in front of her.
The other day I wondered why I could paint such a powerful, independent woman and yet not quite feel, embody, her firmness in myself.
This morning it became clear to me that I had not listened enough to my intuition in everyday life. That’s when I started to feel a little peevish, without knowing the reason for it.
When I opened up to my inner voice, it became clear that I had to cancel a few fixed appointments.
As soon as I did, my energy and peace returned.
The woman in the painting aligns herself, opens herself, to the light, to the information that comes to her, with her whole being.
Apparently, that's what I'm being asked to do.
A big spider was sitting on the wall this morning
What to do but ask for help from someone to remove him like I always did?
There was no one around but me.
I had to find my own solution.
With a kitchen towel I embraced the spider softly, gently,
bringing trust so that he would let himself be surrounded by my touching hands.
Sunlight was shining through the door I just opened.
When we were outside my hands let go.
The spider fell from of the towel towards his freedom.
All of a sudden I felt how gently my husband used to do this
and missed him dearly.
At that moment I felt that his gentleness for nature was abiding with me.
Sometimes the painting process requires a real transformation.
This "Earth angel" appeared during a "Mother Earth" course with Michal Shimoni.
Initially she was very stressed, with dark lines in her face.
When I made her more ethereal, her expression disappeared, and I still wasn't happy with her.
Michal advised me via the Internet to bring more contrast.
Eventually, intuitively, I felt that the holy erotic wanted to participate and I used orange to cheer her up.
She is now peaceful and joyous at the same time.