Yesterday I visited a Tzolkin day.
The people who had organized the event had calculated the galactic signature, according to the Tzolkin, of the candidates for presidency of the U.S.
It turned out that both candidates have the same "kin" (out of 260 possibilities): Red skywalker on tone 4.
One of the meanings of Red skywalker is courage. The courage to take important decisions, the courage of love.
Tone 4 signifies the fundament, the measure, the order of things.
I have the feeling we are at the beginning of dawn.
This morning I realized for the first time that José Arguelles, in his book The Mayan Factor, calls the 26 energy points in the body galactic activation points.
By touching these points we learn how to resonate with the greater total, with our Presence.
I am traveling to the U.S., because this coming weekend there will be a reunion of my high school class of '58. 50 years ago I was part of an American family for a year. The year in the U.S. has had a great influence on my life.
There is a three hour stopover in Memphis, Tennessee.
It has been a long flight and because of the seven hour time difference with the Netherlands it's very late for me.
I feel kind of tired and lost. My book cannot inspire me anymore.
In a bookstore at the airport I open Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth at the page where it says: "Our relationship to the Now decides our relationship to life".
All of a sudden I realize that my relationship to the Now is very poor at this moment.
This awareness opens a door for me. I can feel my energy and my presence again.
The fear of not being able to cope with the fatigue vanishes.
I look at some other books and find Life after Death by Deepak Chopra.
I am thoroughly interested in the title, in the theme, in this phase of my life, at this very moment.
How beautiful can life be when we open ourselves to what life has to offer at any moment!
We are in Spain now.
These are the last days we can swim in the ocean before breakfast.
Within a few days we will probably find it too dark and too cold at this early hour.
But it is such a delight!
The pink light of the rising sun, the calm sea, the seagulls flying in small groups above us.
Sometimes one of them dives into the sea, snapping towards a fish in the same water I am swimming in.
I feel we share this water, this air, this earth with all living creatures.
For a few moments I have forgotten that I am swimming.
The image of the gull diving into the water made me dissolve in the grand total.
I notice the importance of letting go of any dependency on my environment and to truly start living from the inside out.
On a regular basis I remind myself that I may trust my self.
It is a bodily feeling I return to, a feeling in my heart.
There is a beauty in it.
It’s grace.
I feel very excited about joining a writers club on the Internet.
This is what I wrote today:
Would I be able to write without knowing that you are here to listen to the whisper of the sounds of my voice?
What would I do if I didn’t trust that you are near?
How would I express myself in the empty void of the dark of the womb without you?
Soft, fluid waters embracing both of us.
How can I make known that you are the like the scent of jasmine on a warm summer night to me?
Endlessly inspiring like the breath of the sacred in a sanctuary of light?
Stay with me, dear muse, let’s play.
Every inner growth asks for a new form of integrity.
The old skin feels too tight and keeps itching and tickling until the moment I have reached clarity about a new perspective; a new viewpoint which feels consonant with deeper feelings inside me.
The need for this change has to do with sometimes feeling overwhelmed by what’s happening in the outer world.
Until…, yes, until the moment I realize that I may have, and can express, an opinion of my own.
It seems like some situations are provoking me to take a stand.
By listening more to the voice in my heart, and by feeling the restlessness when I don’t, I learn to live in accordance with my heart felt integrity.
This releases a lot of power.
An energy of peace, because it dissolves the inner conflict.
I am reading the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödron.
She shows a way to start living beyond the moralistic view of right or wrong, of perfect or imperfect.
A way to be exactly who we are NOW and to find small openings towards who we ARE.
Precisely at the place where we do not live up to the image of ourselves…
Precisely at those moments when there is a gap between the good we are striving for and the raw reality of what’s happening inside us…
At that place, at the thin edge where our lives are, we can be gentle with ourselves.
Instead of becoming fearful and judgmental, we can start finding the courage of not acting, the courage of just being aware of what’s happening NOW.
This courage can lead us passed the old patterns, the defense, the judgment about ourselves and others.
Exactly at that place we can find something new. and make a small step forwards in the direction of growth.
My heart enjoys this book.
I feel the desire to write, while at the same time I hardly can find the words to describe my musings.
I am searching for ways to live from the heart.
When I “love too much" I feel an imbalance. For me this is a signal that love is less tangible than I think it is, while at the same time being nearer than my thoughts.
I do not need to accomplish anything to feel the presence of love. It is more about surrendering, allowing.
Our imbalance as far as love is concerned has to do with mental pictures that do no coincide with its true meaning.
Most likely we will never be able to say: THIS IS IT.
The search for Love is both the road and the destination.
I am in my house In Spain now, sitting on my terrace overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.
Reading, for the second time, a book by Lynn Andrews: Woman at the Edge of Two Worlds.
Although the book is about the sacred initiation during menopause, I just know that it applies to all of us at this time, whatever our age, whatever our gender.
While reading, I just sense, smell, feel, the content of the book. As if it is happening to me, right now.
I want to read out loud to you, reader of this diary, some paragraphs, as if you are sitting here with me:
“… I walked out of the forest into a meadow. The wild grass was green, lush, damp with morning dew. It reached above my knees, and I walked slowly, breathing deeply the aroma of fresh northern air. The scent of spring flowers was heady and relaxed me. I felt joyous. The thought of meeting with Woman at the Edge of Two Worlds had lifted my spirits greatly. I knew that I was passing through a gateway under a great elk skin, a symbol for the movement of a woman from one stage of life into another. This was not a quick passing. It was a long journey, one that had to be thoughtful and digested. I wanted to nourish that part of myself that was changing. I wanted to help myself feel comfortable. My consciousness was deep inside my own womb, and I felt the need for rest. I felt the need for peace, for a pulling together of the fragments of my life into one great shield of power and love…"
“…Remove my veils, she said. I stood up slowly, my hands trembling. I felt the gossamer material, soft, silken between my fingers, and with excitement I slowly lifted the veil and arranged it behind the head of Woman at the Edge of Two Worlds. At first the radiance of her face blinded my eyes. Soften your vision, she said. Don’t give away your power – remember who you are.
She was a most extraordinary woman. She was not young and she was not old. I could not tell what nationality she was. She seemed to encompass all of what is female. Her face was so very beautiful to look at. She held intelligence in her gaze. She was dressed simply in flowing cloth that seemed to hold gold and silver light from the sun and the moon. She was like an angel to me, and I felt and extraordinary depth of love for her and coming from her heart. She put her arms around me and she held me, as I had so often imagined the Great Mother holding me in her arms. I felt a comfort like no other. It was then for the first time that I understood the need for comforting as I moved through this gateway, and I knew that she understood all of my strengths and my frailties…"
“… You will hear my voice, my daughter, and you will see my face in all the named and nameless things. Listen well, for I am here for you and all who pass my way.
Her voice was like a whisper on the wind as she slowly disappeared from view…"
Yesterday, because of all good intentions, my ego also wanted to participate.
That made it difficult and enervating.
So, today is a day for letting go of all of this.