Joos's journal

25-05-2010

Transition

I notice during the long flight to the U.S. that I not only bring my brand new red suitcase, but also my emotional luggage, that is to say, my reaction to the people at home.
In the hotel room with a view on the hills of New Mexico I am wide-awake in the middle of the night. This has to do with the eight hours time-difference.
I need a lot of creativity to find a way to spend these hours in a pleasant way.
Fortunately I have a pen and a writing pad.
I meditate a bit and, with my mind as empty as possible, I try to analyze my problem of not really being here.
To find out more about my condition I doodle with a pen on a paper and I see that it has to do with pure chaos.
Now it is clear to me that I do need to resolve something.
Therefore I draw a picture of a more balanced state: A sacred space with just me in it and a lighted candle.
This helps.

06-05-2010

Conversation with the rock

While I am sitting next to the rock that protects our house against the wind I decide to ask the rock to talk to me.
I hear the chirps of birds and the sound of breaking waves, but the rock is silent.
She has closed up and I get the feeling that my integrity is being questioned.
In order for me to write about what the rock has to say to me, a deeper integrity is needed.
I tune in again and listen.
Never have I had my ear this close to the rock.
I had abandoned the courage to ever be able to listen to what the rock had to tell me.
The rock has been involved in all kinds of happenings.
Once she was a horizontal layer of the earth and now she is almost vertical.
From being the ground under our feet she has become the protector of our house against too much wind.
She is so beautiful.
That’s what I would like to say to the rock.
The warmth of the sun of the day still radiates from her.
I hear a tone similar to the sound of insects. This may be the reflection of the sound of the sea against the rock, but also something new.
It may be something the rock herself wants to tell me.
I feel my small self near the big miracle of this rock.
I feel that it is important as a human not to just write a story about this, because this kind of self centeredness is precisely what is keeping us apart.
I feel the necessity to grow in love in order to be worthy of the trust of the rock.
Apparently the rock is telling me about the earth having been exploited by man.
About the feeling of having been taken for granted by humans, without true attending.
I want to ask the rock to forgive me and mankind, but at the same time I know that as far as I am concerned I have some way to go before I am worthy of the trust of the rock.
This has been the first step.

04-05-2010

Following the flow of life

Sometimes life pushes a bit.
This time it was a big poke.
What’s going on?
The Lynn Andrews Mystery school has planned a four day stay in the U.S. twice a year.
I had totally put aside the idea of attending the first gathering at the end of May.
There were many reasons for this decision:
Visiting the U.S. twice a year is too luxurious, I cannot be missed at home, I want to be present at all the dates of the tennis competition.
The final registration date for the gathering was three weeks ago.
All of a sudden I got restless. My inner self wanted to attend.
Within two days everything was arranged.
I will go.